“One thing that Momma taught me when I was little is that outer beauty is important but it isn’t everything. ‘A woman should have more to offer than how good she looks,’ she’d always tell me, ‘The true value of a young black woman is her mind.’”

-Aaliyah Anderson, from the forthcoming young adult novel “The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson”

While being intelligent is incredibly liberating, it also feel like you’re in a prison. There are times that I feel as if I’m trapped in by the pervasive ignorance that surrounds me on a daily basis. I talked about this more in depth in my article You Gotta Have Fun Sometimes (A Manifesto). However, the topic warrants being brought up once again. Especially after what I ran into on Facebook earlier this afternoon!

In its storied history, the big wigs at Hollywood have never had a vested interest in painting black women in a positive light. From the infamous Hattie McDaniel’s Academy award winning “Mammy” role in Gone With The Wind to the controversial characters of Olivia Pope and Mary Jane Paul, our women are constantly portrayed as second rate, attitudinal, violent, foul mouthed, vain, self-hating, sexual deviants. As a young black man trying to make a change in the status quo, this fact irks me to no end. However, why does it seem that black women are trying to prove these stereotypes right?

Cast member of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Mimi Faust just so happened to release a sex tape earlier this weekend. It’s rather ironic that Mimi acts as if she’s the epitome of class and elegance on the show but decides to stoop to the horrific low. Let’s not forget that she’s a mother of a beautiful baby girl. Plus, she’s a public figure seen on T.V every week. While reality television isn’t ideally where you’d look for the next Clair Huxtable, there’s no doubt in my mind that the young women of my generation take note of how these women carry themselves.

We live in a society where vanity runs ramped and any attention is good attention. No matter if you’re beating a fellow black woman so badly that you put UFC fighters to shame on Facebook, tweeting out inappropriate messages to your mired of followers on Twitter, or posting half naked pictures and twerking videos on Vine and Instagram, morality and values are thrown out of the window. As long as the attention is on you, everything is great! Right?

This mentality is something I took note of as I researched and gathered inspiration for my novel The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson. It seems like the notion of femininity is dead. As a BMB (Business Minded Brother) it saddens me to see that young women are slowly starting to take on the mentality of the childish guys they choose to spend their time with. Many brothers like me are even second guessing if they want to get married in this day and age. It’s a messed up situation for real!

Where are the young women worth a BMB investing their time in? Where are the Michelle Obamas of the world? I was raised around attractive, strong, intelligent black women so, inherently, I expect the same from the young women I choose to date or associate with. Because of this, my selection is few and far between. I refuse to take anybody from the bottom of the barrel, especially if we’re talking about being in a serious relationship.

Femininity

(n) The quality of being female; Womanliness

Like I said in my Aaliyah Anderson article, we need for the young women of the black community to step their games up. Being feminine doesn’t mean that you’re weak. It also doesn’t mean that you’re supposed to allow a man to run over you. Never that! A true young woman respects her man and expects him to respect her. If he doesn’t, she should be out the door quick. A woman of substance is hard to find in this day and age. And the saying that quality wins over quantity is always proven true. That’s what my mother made me accustom to expecting from  a woman I was interested in.

 

Ladies, be ladies and have some respect and sexual discretion. I’m not saying that you can’t or shouldn’t be sexually free if you so please but why share it with the world? Your body is not your only bargaining chip. You are more than a big butt! If you don’t believe this, how do you expect any guy you encounter to?

Many guys have a hit and run type of mentality but they tend to treat a woman with high self-esteem, swagger and confidence differently from the typical hoes and thots they encounter. My player type boys admit this to me on a regular basis. If you demand respect they’ll either stop dealing with you of they’ll be a young man and respect your boundaries. Either way you win right? Why be with a guy that only wants you for your body? Why waste your time like that? Doesn’t it make sense?

Then again, common sense ain’t so common anymore………

Do you have any questions, comments or concerns? Was I right or wrong on this issue? Do you want to join the focus group for my novel The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson? I would love to hear from you! Contact me directly at:

 

Email: [email protected]

Kik: @AuthorRandallB

Ask.Fm: @YoungandGiftedBooks

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/randall.barnes.501

 

Check out a preview of my novel The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson on Wattpad! It’s dropping soon!

http://www.wattpad.com/story/6314747-the-diary-of-aaliyah-anderson