For the majority of the last week we have been talking about 5 of the things that helped to destroy the black family.  We covered poverty, drugs, men, women, and culture, we talked about psychology and economics, education and stereotypes all with the sole purpose of giving an overview as to some of the detrimental things that have occurred over the last 50 years or more to destroy the black family.  Indeed the black family wasn’t the only thing that was destroyed, when a man and woman are at odds, when 2 refuse to become 1, there can be no community.

So what was concluded?  

A short summary would go as such:  In the 1930’s the unofficial start of the war on poverty forced black people out of the workplace.  In the 1960’s food stamps and other government programs replaced the male in the house hold.  In the 1970’s black feminism turned the black woman against the black man and created tension and animosity (on a psychological level, especially when paired with him being out of work and not being the provider).  In the 1980’s drugs hit the streets to remove the black man from the black community altogether and thus destroying the black community.  In the 1980’s and 90’s the black man turns on the black woman publicly and begins to attack and degrade her. 

Some of you might agree or disagree with the points I have made and that is fine, but let’s agree on this:

There is a problem with the image that the black man has of the black woman, and that the black woman has of the black man. 

Therein lies the problem, but therein lies the solution. I could list a bunch of steps and bullets that would help clear up the symptoms and such.  I could go on a rant that involved some things cliché and some things not and It would probably look something like this albeit longer:

1. Clear the Air

2. Set Some Expectations

3. Stop Focusing on the Negative

4. Restore Our Images

5. Stop Competing and complaining

But we really need to begin to respect the good that each of us has to offer.  We need to empathize with each other, we need to begin to try to understand each other.  The black man used to be the only person that understood what the black woman was going through in America and the black woman used to be the only person that understood what the black man was going through.  Nowadays neither of us understands what it’s like for the other in America and that lack of understanding has created space as we naturally distance from the unknown.  We need to get back to understanding each other, we need to stop talking about each other and start talking to each other, we had very similar stories all the way up until the 1940’s and then we went on different roads and stopped communicating. 

We need to stop listening to those that would tear each other down and begin to uplift each other.  Stop supporting music that degrades your queen, stop supporting people that degrade your king.  Barricade yourself from anyone that would come into your home and mind and tell you that your black king or queen is anything less than the wonderful people that the majority of them are.  Women stop listening to other men and women that would give you advice on how to please your man and talk to your man about how to please him, and the same goes for men.

We need to realize that we are individuals that are a part of a whole and we need each other.  True you can see with 1 eye but you lose depth perception and your field of vision narrows.  That is a perfect example of the black man and woman.    Remember while it is the black man’s job to defend the community, it is the black woman’s job to defend her man, neither of us are doing to hot right now. 

So who is going to take the first stand and so okay I will turn and face you?  And if that stand is made with the other turn as well?  I believe we all know many different ways to fix this problem but who is willing to take the first step?  What are your ideas?