Hello UI. Again the Spirit of Thoth is upon me and I feel the need to speak to the UI world.

This post is more informational than anything else.

There is a growing awareness of “ratchet” pictures of African American parents engaging in acts that only pedophiles would engage in. “Ratchet” photos are sometimes funny, mostly not. They are detrimentally emotionally derogatory for the most part.

Specifically, the ones of the single mother who projects a romantic relationship on to her son as if she is using him to fill a void in her own life. Some would refer to it as “Emotional Incest”.

Many times, mothers do not realize what they are doing. This kind of thing can be debilitating to a man-child’s life progress and development. There is a certain level of stress that is placed on a child when they are demanded to keep a parent happy to make up for a missing mate.

It is also detrimental to a mother who has given up on life and accepted using her child as a way to fill that open gap in her life. It sounds far-fetched for some, but many parents, mothers to sons especially, do this to their children, often without recognizing it.

There are four common behaviors that may lead to “undesirable activity” between a parent or child, or mother and son:

SUGGESTIVE POSTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA

During the holidays geared toward romance, such as Valentine’s Day, birthdays, and other special occasions, many mothers profess their love for their children. For single moms, it is problematic.

A light-hearted or jovial blurb can become sexually suggestive to a child. [The Oedipus Complex: http://psychology.about.com/od/oindex/g/def_oedipuscomp.htm.]

How many of you have seen posts that say thing like “Happy Valentine’s day to the only man who keeps me warm at night, my four year old son Johnny,” or “My birthday date with little Johnny. He and I went to a restaurant for dinner. He’s all the man I need.”

The social media posts may or may not sound familiar, but I’m not sure the women who do it know what these types of action do to her and the child. You have let the entire social media world that you are single and that you and your son are attached at the hip.

Love of children is expected, but that kind of thing puts a child “on notice” that they are the missing piece who has to take his missing father’s place; and it tells other men who may have been interested that they have to compete with the child for the woman’s affections.

The real “elephant in the room” is creepy, to say the least.

A mother who does that to her son may not see it that way, mostly because it is viewed as “fun” activity to let the son know he is loved by his mother. However, children can often get disconnected from reality and become “in love” with their mothers in unexpected ways.

Men have become “mama’s babies” because of this disconnect. Your son is not an adult, therefore he thinks that certain actions are perfectly ‘normal’ because he does not know any better.

He can be traumatized after seeing the disapproval in the eyes of others.

Would you understand the rest of society looking at the love between you and your “man” as unnatural? Probably not.

SUGGESTIVE PHOTOGRAPHS ON SOCIAL MEDIA 

Secondly, I would like to address these romantic mother/son photos that are showing up online.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but the photos reflect some serious issues with “mother-son love.”

These photos have kids dressed like adult men on dates, or in tank top shirts that a grown man would wear with matching jewelry and all. Some even have the mom posed with the child as they would live “as a man and woman,” instead of a mother and son.

This past week I saw a picture of a teenage son who was being (I feel inappropriately) kissed by his mother in one frame and in the other, his mother was bent over in front of him as if she was trying to give him ‘some.’

His hand was gently placed upon her upper hip as if he were about to “go in” at it. This sickened me to the core. Although both were fully clothed, it was still disgusting.

The caption on the photo read “Mother-Son Love”.

On research, I discovered this was not a rare occurrence. Many single moms have taken these suggestively semi-erotic photos with their sons and displayed them for the world to see.

I can’t express enough how truly bad this is.

You have now added extra stressors to this child’s life, because everyone has seen them and this child will likely be ridiculed for it years later, even into adulthood.

How is he going to explain to his wife, his children, his co-workers, and others who know him as a grown man that these photos were taken “in jest.” Most people are going to view that as totally abnormal, and they are going to view the mother as abnormal – and there it is, immortalized into eternity and beyond.

The long-term consequences are hard to live down, so it is not only selfish, but inconsiderate to place a child in this kind of position; and if a man comes into your life later, who will explain that to him, and who will defend and explain you?

At some point this boy/child will become a teen, and eventually a man.

In his dating life, his first memories of a girlfriend will not be a girl he met on his own, but the one that was imposed on him as a child.

That is stolen innocence and it is a bigger deal than some believe it to be.

MOM AS GIRLFRIEND

The relationship that he has with you already sets the “tone” for future romance, but now he is affected by the fact that he was viewed as “more than a son” to his mother, but her “man” — when he wasn’t a grown man at the time.

It causes adulthood confusion, because now he has to distinguish between what is appropriate and what is not, and he has crossed a ‘forbidden barrier’ with his own mother.

I truly feel for any young man who has to figure this out all on his own.

He won’t talk to most people about it, not even his mom, whom he has come to view as “the woman in his life.”

All men’s first love is Mom by nature, but wouldn’t it be better to encourage them about where the line of demarcation is?

SPENDING “ROMANCE TIME” WITH YOUR SON

A more subtle form of this is the simple act of spending too much time with the son. Spending all of your time with your “little man” does not give him the proper space and time to develop his own personality. This can also be a contributing factor with regard to issues a boy can have about the appropriate mother-son relationship.

Emotional incest, even absent a physical sexual relationship, is especially prevalent with single Black and Hispanic moms. For some it is a very sad way of life.

It is not conducive to raising well-rounded young men, if you use your son as the man you’ve always wanted, but who may not have entered your life at this time.

Let me know what you think UI.

I did not make this up, it is real and it is happening; and it is truly sad.

I work with Child Protective Services and T.D.F.P.S., which deals with child abuse and neglect, so seeing the long-term results of this is better than trying to explain it. However, they only catch this type of thing when it goes beyond the esoteric realm and into something more akin to erotic, whether it leads to molestation or pedophilia or not.

Ladies, your son is not your “man.”