“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.”

-August Wilson

I’ve always lived by the philosophy that you shouldn’t look down at a person until you walked a mile in their shoes. Sometimes the most beautiful and glamourous people are the main ones fighting to find themselves and exist in a society where outer appearance trumps any other quality you may possess. According to the vanity slaves of the world, you have to look fly and well put together at all times. If you don’t wear name brands, you’re worth nothing. If you so choose not to conform to the societal norms, you’ll risk fading into obscurity.

The news of singer and actress Simone Battle, made aware to me in January as Cheyanne from the 2012 movie We The Party, shook me up in ways you couldn’t imagine. I still struggle to understand why these beautiful women choose to take their lives. As I write in the voice of Aaliyah Anderson and other black female characters for my novels I can’t help but to think about twenty-two year old Karyn Washington, the creator of ForBrownGirls.com who committed suicide earlier this year after battling bouts of depression. Where’s the outrage? Where’s the attention?

Robin Williams died and we made a huge fit, finally having a realistic discussion about depression. However, there are countless young people that have internal struggles that largely go unnoted by a community that says to love and cherish us so much. This myth of black inferiority has plagued us for hundreds of years. It has even the most beautiful of dark skin women hateful of themselves. They already have to deal with the pressures of fitting into an over sexualized society. The internal obstacles that these strong beings have to face on a regular basis is almost unthinkable.

Maybe if Simone, Karyn and the countless other young women that have taken their lives due to depression had someone to talk to the outcome would’ve been different. One of my high hopes for The Diary Of Aaliyah Anderson is to be a point of light to any young person going through a battle for their souls. Maybe they can identify with Aaliyah’s struggle and triumphs and make the valuable choice that their life has value. With the world on our shoulders, maybe it’s time for us to reach out and save each other. I’m ready and willing to do my part. Who’s going to stand with me?

 

 

A Point Of Light

Allan Rouse

The world is an evil place. It’s often hard to find and hold on to positivity in a place where negativity is so ramped and prevalent. This fact is equally applicable to the environment of high school, one of the most ruthless places in the world. At times, it can become as tense as a prison and as chilling as a graveyard on a cold winter night. Some manage to successfully make it out of this proverbial hell with everything on them intact. I happen to be a perfect example.

I’m nothing special. I stand at five-seven with an average body frame. I’m not a mountain of muscles but I’m not a walking pole either. With my brown skin and wavy temp fade, I consider myself attractive but nothing near your favorite celebrity or music superstar. However, I’m content with who I am. My sheer confidence is what pushes me through. However, the same can’t be said for many of my peers.

They try their best to fit in with what’s popular or likeable by the standards of the atmosphere we exist in. I see so many pretend thugs and overly promiscuous females screaming for attention that it tends to kill my spirit sometimes. You can just see the low self-esteem and attempted conformity exuding from them. However, I’ve grown to realize that some people deal with severe inner demons that can even compel them to take their lives.

Take Brianna Briggs for example.

Brianna is the flyest girl walking through Hillman High School down here on the southside of Willowsfield, GA. She’s beautiful, looking like the identical twin of R&B singer Ashanti. As the captain of the Warrior’s cheerleading squad, she lords over the social aspect of Hillman. She also excells on the academic level, maintaining a 4.0 GPA.  The cliché notion for popular girls rings true for Brianna. The guys want to get with her and the girls want to be her. I was one of the guys that would’ve loved to parade her around as my girlfriend but she always went for the thugged out boys or the immature players that consider smashing every girl in the school the epitome of manhood.

On the outside, she had the perfect life. Her parents were both doctors making crazy money. They had a huge house in Brentwood, a rich neighborhood on the north side of the city. I mean, what more could you ask for? She was suffering something serious on the inside though. And it led to an attempted suicide during our senior trip to the yearly Grad Bash in Orlando.

 

Our chaperones let us hang out in the hotel and do whatever we wanted to do until ten o’ clock. I wasn’t in the mood to hang out with my boys so I went back up to the room that I was staying in. However, I was deterred from my original plans when I saw the door to the room that Brianna and another girl happened to be staying in wide open. I could feel inside of me that something wasn’t right.

Acting on that curiosity, I walked into the room to look around. Immediately, I heard sobs coming from the balcony. I shook my head. I thought I was hearing things until I heard someone yell, “Get down from there!”

I immediately rushed out and saw Brianna, sitting on the metal bannister, about to fall to her death. I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. The slightest misstep I took could’ve resulted in Brianna making herself fall onto the pavement below.

I crept up to her slowly and said as calmly as I could, “What’s going on Brianna? What are you doing?”

I could hear the pain in her voice, “I’m about to do it…….I’m about to relive myself from all of this stress. Please leave me alone.”

“What stress? We’re on our senior trip! We’re supposed to be having fun.”

“How can I possibly have fun when I realize that I’m living a  lie? Huh Allan? I know it’s you. I can recognize your voice.”

“Well, step back up here so we can talk. Whatever you’re  going through isn’t worth killing yourself over. I promise  you!”

“How would you know? You just see me as ‘perfect Brianna Briggs’. You don’t understand what I’ve gone through!”

I gulped, “Help me understand then, Brianna. I’m willing to listen to you. Just don’t do this.”

She was proceeding to turn but she slipped. She was about to fall to her death if she didn’t manage to grab on to the bannister. I immediately ran over and extended my hands.

“Brianna, take my hand! Please! I don’t want to see you get hurt like this.”

She looked up at me with tears welling up in her eyes. I could tell that she didn’t really want to die but here she was, a slip of the hand from ending her young, prosperous life. She grabbed both of my hands and I pulled her up with all my might. I felt the bannister shaking from all the pressure we were putting on it but I still continued to pull. Eventually, I managed to get her back up on the balcony. The banister split, with the part where she was sitting falling to the ground. Fortunately, it didn’t hit any of the concerned bystanders looking up at us.

I brought Brianna back into the room. I sat both of us down on the bed as she cried on my shoulder. I was still in awe. I never thought I’d see Brianna, the angel of Hillman, so down and out. After finally calming down, she explained to me what drove her to near death.

“I came to the realization that I’m nothing. I’m insecure and I cling to my popularity around the school and the city to feel validated. I’m dictated and controlled by how people view me. Then, on top of that, I found out Tuck is cheating on me for that thot Markesia. I tried to be loyal to him and I was but I still got beat out by a girl slinging her thing like nobody’s business. I feel like I’m worthless. I feel like I’m living a lie.”

I had to pause a second to take all of what she just told me in. Tuck is a westside Killa gang member who’s known for all the females he runs through. These girls shut off their common sense for some reason and get caught in his charisma. I especially don’t understand why  a female the caliber of Brianna chose to get with him. I knew this would happen when I found out that they were dating. The writing was all on the wall.

I said, as sincerely as I could, “Brianna, don’t say that about yourself. You are somebody! You’re the most well rounded girl at Hillman. Tuck is a fool for cheating on you. He was the one in the wrong. There’s no reason for you to beat down on yourself like this.”

She shook her head and wiped a tear escaping from her eye, “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

I looked her in the eyes, “No, I’m speaking from the heart. You’re something special. I’ve had feelings for you since the 9^th grade. I just didn’t know how to tell you though. It hurts me to see you like this. It hurt me to see you so close to your death out there on that balcony.”

“I…..I didn’t know you cared. I didn’t know anybody cared. Not even my parents.”

I gave her a warm smile, “I do. I’m willing to be here for you and listen to you if you let me. I’m not trying to lead you on or anything. It just hurts me to see a beautiful soul so shattered and broken.”

She looked down at the ground and started blushing, “Wow. I may have decided to date the wrong guy.”

“You sort of did. I can’t even lie or sugar code my feelings on that one.”

“Well, maybe I should make things right……”

She leaned in and kissed me. I went along with it in the passion of the moment. She leaned up from me, holding my hand, “Thank you for saving me from myself Allan. It really helps to see that there’s someone out there that cares for me and I appreciate that.”

I realized then and there that I became Brianna’s point of light. I’d never heard the term until I ran across a video of Tyler Perry speaking at a conference on that very topic. It touched my soul to prevent Brianna from doing something that would’ve devastated her family, friends and the students of Hillman. There comes a time where we all need someone that can relate to us. I’m willing to be there for Brianna and aid her in defeating whatever demons she’s battling.

●●●●

 R.I.P to Simone Battle and Karyn Washington.

 

-Check out “The Diary of Aaliyah Anderson” Young Adult Book Series

Volume 1: https://www.amazon.com/Diary-Aaliyah-Anderson-Young-Complete-ebook/dp/B00OO3VEEK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483742164&sr=8-1&keywords=the+diary+of+aaliyah+anderson
Volume II: https://www.amazon.com/Diary-Aaliyah-Anderson-Surviving-Middle-ebook/dp/B015ERQAF2/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1483742164&sr=8-2&keywords=the+diary+of+aaliyah+anderson