Mother Wit says …
Yes, sometimes we do need to simply part ways with people who don’t grow up.
If you find them 30 years later, or even 5 or 10 years later on FAILED TO LAUNCH, then you may want to toss your losses while you still can.
Speaking of THE PAST
Do you often hear it from people who don’t want to talk about “the past,” but who will talk about it as long as they can leave out the pieces that make THEM uncomfortable?
Or the pieces, rather, that make them feel like shit because they DID truly behave like shit at the time? Then, they suddenly stop talking to you because they would rather not speak at all than to apologize for what they did wrong. Yeah, it’s that serious.
Transcend the Past, Yes … but NEVER EVER forget it
I have family members, honestly, who oft-remind me of racists tossing their terrorist confederacy and Tea Party bandit flags in our faces.
They will tell us to forget about ‘the past’ if the words “slavery” or “reparations” dare come up while they are tossing up the history salad with their white supremacist ancestors and flags that they punish us for not worshipping. ( #NFLSOWHITE )
They don’t mind talking about THE past, as long as it’s the part of it that makes them feel better about what or who they are.
Families often do that, too.
Anything else, and it’s YOU “dwelling in the past” instead of THEM refusing to deal with their own internalized spiritually toxic messes. This is always the case when they are co-dependent ENABLERS of other people with addictive habits and toxic and abusive attitudes in general. Even when their chosen addicts are NOT members of your family, these enablers will still side with them against blood kin. They do it because … well, that’s how they roll, with their heads stuck in the sand farther down in the dirt than an ostrich’s.
Enablers of Addicts and Abusers are Not Coddleworthy, either
The enabler may not BE an addict, but they have Learned Behaviors that bind them to addicts. They tend to support these people vehemently, even when they are DEAD wrong … they’ve learned to live in the toxicity AND actually, LIKE IT.
It’s sad to say, but even blood kin is not an exception, especially when they don’t grow and mature in life.
If they are still where they WERE and never grew up or outgrew ‘the past’, then they get ‘all up in their personal foolishness’ just because you did …
Move on. Or forward. Advance.
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