There is a good number of us who have been in those situations where we feel like our black counterparts are constantly questioning our legitimacy to participate in the group. What I’ve recently discovered as a student on a predominantly white college campus is that being involved in black politics can produce a tricky state of mind. Solidarity in community agendas becomes a judging factor by which an individual is evaluated for their loyalty to the people – to their “blackness”.

As a black leader, you’re supposed to side with  community before you even think about expressing your personal concerns. When you stepped up to the plate, you implicitly said that you agree with everything that your community is fighting for and that you agree with the means by which they intend to move forward with. What you didn’t realize was that it was a trap. YOU have been put on hold internally, because “the community” does not allow “individuals”.  That is – “of the people, by the people, for the people” all day, every day!  Your voice, your thoughts, your actions, are all indicators of the established agenda and when they cease to be so, you will be scrutinized and your motives will be questioned. That doesn’t sound so bad, right? Of course it isn’t when you truly do agree with everyone else.

Still, sometimes your heart is with the community, but your mind has not yet been set. In your head, you see things differently. Your strategy for how to get our people free does not coincide with the group you represent, but you can’t say that because you’re not YOU anymore – you are the people. This is not an angry piece of thought, this is actually mental exploration of my options. I want to know how much of myself must I hold back if I plan to fight alongside my people. In a time where I have the opportunity to receive an education, set goals for myself, and participate in extracurricular activities that I find interesting, how much of that do I dedicate to just myself and how much do I dedicate to my people.

Black leadership is a complicated position because even though you set standards for yourself and you work towards goals that pertain to who you are, the methods and outcomes must always be for the betterment of the black community. I went to an event where a special guest gave a speech and he said, “You assign yourself. You’ve got to make an assessment of what your gift and talent is and get to busy doing the work of loving and serving the people.” It was interesting to hear mainly because almost everything else he said in his speech ended with “the people”. And at some point during this speech, I thought to myself, “Well, what about me?” That’s when I realized that the conditions of my people don’t allow me to live just for my happiness. What good would I be to this world is I strategized and accomplished only for myself? 

Our definition of blackness is different across spaces and times. What I have discovered during my college experience is that blackness can used as a form of measurement  of how dedicated to overcoming the black struggle and ending the plight of our people you are. How much of your personal opinion are you willing to suppress with the community agenda? Our expectations of each other are ridiculous! We confine one another into this bubble that the individual must reside in to maintain enough blackness. This bubble only burst when WE decide to get a needle and expose that person for their anti-blackness. What we don’t realize is that we put ourselves in these bubbles as well, structures that burst once we create friction between one another. So how do you create a community out of weak structure?

YOU DON’T! There is no community if there is no room for us to share our thoughts and come to a consensus without exiling those who disagree. I believe black leaders are supposed to put the community’s needs before their self-interests. When representing a group of people, it doesn’t matter what you think is best if the constituents don’t agree. You push the community agenda as far as you can before anything else! However, I do not believe that we are supposed to evaluate failure to do so as a form of anti-blackness. We scare our brothers and sisters away from the community when they feel like they will be kicked out of the community if they don’t fit our definition of blackness. We empathize. We put ourselves in their shoes and work together to understand one another. It sounds cliche, but we don’t seem to have a better answer. How can family members fight together if they keep fighting with each other?