On Father’s Day, I was listening to a discussion on a local radio station.  The topic: Is the Black Man in America Under Attack?  I was with the men who were calling in right up to the point where a man called up and said that the problem for the black man in America is the black woman.  Although I have heard many ignorant things said about black women in America, I am constantly rendered momentarily speechless  when I hear something like this.  Before I continue, let me state that I’m a firm believer in dating who you want to date, marrying who you want to marry, and loving who you want to love.  I have dated both inside and outside of my race, so this is not a rant about being jealous of women from different races. All that being said, as a black woman, I find it annoying and unnerving to be “attacked” on a regular basis.  I’m also beyond annoyed with all black females being lumped together.

 There are some who would love us to believe that all black women are loud, gum popping, lip smacking, uneducated members of the Twerk Team.  We are often called ignorant, lazy, overbearing, and jealous.  And if we’d rather be left alone than to deal with ridiculous drama, then we are called boogie and stuck up.  We get lumped together in a category that doesn’t even begin to describe who we are or what we are able to achieve.

  We are all different.  We have different experiences that shape who we are and how we view the world.  We have different challenges, different goals, and different desires.  But when I hear a black man say that the black woman is responsible for him no longer having a place at the table, I have to ask…”What?”   There are many talking heads on various social media sites who would have us believe that the black woman is less than desirable.  Not too long ago I had a conversation with a black man (who lives in his mother’s basement, doesn’t have a job, and stays angry at the world) who has a very negative opinion of black women.  The only thing I could gather from that was that his opinion comes from two places: (1) His lack of self esteem & (2) The example of black women in his life.  I would assume the same is true for the man who called in to the show and made such a ridiculous statement.

   I made an attempt to call in to the show, but the person on hold before me wound up being the last caller.  If I’d been able to get on air, I’d have shared this:  Black women are about as diverse as any other group of people in this country.  Just like black men are different, so are black women.  It is not ok for us to hang all of our problems on black men as a collective, and vice versa.  If we are going to heal as a collective, we need to begin with ending the blame game.  Obviously, I am not a black man so I can’t fully understand the challenges black men face.  I was raised by an amazing black man though.  And one of the great things about my dad is that he taught me to have a level of self respect, self esteem, and to take personal responsibility.  Is the black man in America under attack? It is quite possible that he is.  Is the black woman solely responsible for this attack? Well, the answer to that is an unequivocal no.