The War Against Ourselves by LaTasha “Tacha B.” Braxton

I was raised by a mother who could never love me, because she didn’t know how.

Her definition of the word was flawed by the pain and heartache created from the two people who were supposed to love her the most.

My mother’s mom left her at the tender age of seven

and her father abandoned her to go run the streets and chase women.

She was passed from home to home, and family to family.

And by the time she reached a loving family who wanted to

shower her with the love she’d been missing,

she was already too mentally and emotionally destroyed to fully receive it.

As my mother got older she made many mistakes.

Especially when it came to her choices in men.

When my sister and I were conceived by two males not worthy enough to be called men,

we became witnesses to some of the variations of black males that inhabit our community.

One of the first examples was the deceitful bum black male with children everywhere by different women. This one will dedicate his entire existence using and manipulating black women for sex, shelter, food and money. His goal is to trap a financially secure woman with a baby

in order to be well taken care of by her in exchange for a stay at home father position

and a honey-do-list.

And when this woman grows tired of his bum behavior

and starts vocalizing his need to seek employment.

He will then move on with no hesitation,

ready to impregnate the next for his own survival purposes.

I also recall the over aged immature black male who bickered and lied obsessively in order to deflect from his selfish motives and undesirable traits.

This male uses all of his energy to pretend as though he loves and cares for you,

when in all actuality he’s too immature and selfish to care about anyone other than his own needs, ego and desires. This male would rather mentally and emotionally abuse

and victim blame the black woman before actually confronting his own faults

and negative behavioral patterns. All while never taking responsibility for the pain he causes.

I witnessed the unconscious misogynist who viewed black women as

inferior bitches and nothing more as sex slaves and punching bags

warranted for mental, emotional, physical and sexual abuse.

This one most likely lacked a positive strong black nurturing woman in his life

and instead was raised by another black misogynistic male who shares

the same abusive traits as he does now.

Many of these males had traumatic childhoods for having to deal with the abusive behavior of their own abusive fathers.

And of course, there is the toxic narcissistic cheater who was never raised correctly by his parents. This particular male finds nothing wrong with destroying or trying to destroy the mental health of every black woman he comes in contact with.

Everything is about him,

and in his eyes, black women are nothing more than tools.

He does not respect you.

He doesn’t love you.

Because he does not know how.

You are just one of the many cheat codes to the game he is playing.

I used to sit back and just analyze.

I was a natural observer who soaked up any amount of information my brain could muster,

as most kids do.

I had begun to tell myself at a young age that

I never wanted to be married, ever.

Why would I?

When I see black women go through so much disrespect, abuse and heartache

over a male who clearly cares more about themselves than they do us and their children.

I felt unprotected when it came to the black man at such an early age.

I would see a black male cross the street objectifying and harassing women as they passed

and I would get sick to my stomach.

I despised them all.

Every black male my young eyes came across, I couldn’t stand.

I viewed them as the enemy because that’s how I saw them treat us.

I would witness other black women who were girlfriends and wives.

I would see and hear how well they took care of their family and I would ask myself,

why do black males hurt the ones who were created to love and nurture them the most?

Why purposely breakdown the beings who bare, love and raise your children?

Why destroy the ones who implant the wisdom and knowledge you and your children need in order to keep growing and becoming better?

And why do these strong and beautiful women continue tolerating these negative kinds of males?

Is it because there are no good ones left?

I would then look at the lives of my sister and I.

I would realize how neglectful, unnurturing and emotionally and mentally abusive

our own mother was to us.

And I would ask myself this.

Is she this way because of her own father and mother?

Or did she become unstable because of how she was treated by the black males in her life? Imagine being seven or eight years old with questions and thoughts like this absorbed in the mind. My sister and I had no good examples of the black man.

To us, they didn’t exist.

And still to this day,

I walk around with these permanent imprints lodged into my mind about our own black males. And everytime I walk by the newest generation of young black girls and boys.

I can’t help but to wonder if these young black girls with so much potential

have the same questions and thoughts

absorbed into their minds about the black male as I once did.

Are they watching your immaturity and toxic behavioral patterns,

dreading the day them too,

will have to grow up and become that very same woman, who must

protect themselves against males like you?

And as for these young black males who will one day

become fathers themselves, see, they are paying attention to you the most.

They’re watching the detriment you spread within your own community and in your own family. These young black boys are subconsciously imitating your immature,

abusive and toxic behavioral patterns because they don’t know any better.

And they don’t know any better because the person who is supposed to be teaching them better is too occupied with being the disease that plagues their own people.

• They are seeing you disrespect and victim blame the black woman.
• They are listening when you are verbally assaulting, belittling and manipulating the black woman.
• They hear you when you are calling their moms, aunts, grandmothers, sisters, nieces and cousins bitches, hoes, thots, and sluts.
• They are watching you lie in order to deceive the black woman.
• They are witnessing you verbally, physically, sexually and emotionally abuse and attack the black woman.
• They are watching you neglect the black woman and the children you share with her.
• They are watching when you refuse to pay child support just so you can see the black woman suffer.
• They are watching you act trifling and immature towards the black woman.
• They are watching you be a better stepfather than you are at being a father to your own kids.
• They are watching you tear down the black woman every time she makes an attempt at increasing and or repairing the levels of self-respect, self-esteem, self-confidence and self-care she is entitled to have for herself.
• They are witnessing your cat calls and sexual harassment towards the black woman.
• They are watching you cheat on your black woman, all while watching you chew up and spit out other black women like a can of cheap chewing tobacco.

So instead of us chipping and breaking down this dysfunctional chain that is haunting and robbing our communities of love, light, respect for one another, knowledge and growth.

We are aiding in its durability as it wraps around and strangles the necks of our black women and our black children. Destroying the legacy of the black family.

Diminishing the memory of the morally sound strong black man. And destroying our potential for future existence all together.

What happened to unity?

What happened to the conscious black brothers willingness to correct and educate the next black brother who has fallen victim to ignorance and societal manipulations?

If you become witness to your black brother disrespecting, not protecting and abusing the black woman and you don’t intervene with guidance and discipline.

My brother, you are apart of the problem.

If you bare witness to your black brother being a deadbeat,

and not loving, not protecting, not teaching and not caring for his children properly.

And you remain silent.

Allowing him to continue on destroying his family and their future generations to come.

You too, are apart of the problem.

If you see a single black mother struggling and stressed, and instead of offering support and assistance.

You take advantage of her weakened state by viewing her as an opportunity to fulfill your selfish and sick sexual desires. You my ignorant brother, are the problem.

And when it comes to our youth, our future.

When you come across these beautiful young black children,

share with them your wisdom and experiences.

Lend them some encouraging words.

Speak light and life into their existence.

Give them words fueled by love,

Let your actions be their first sight of what courage, strength and leadership looks like.

You’d be surprised at the difference you can make in a child’s life when you support and believe

in who they are and what they can do.

You’d be surprised at how much of an impact you can make in these kids lives through

positive examples alone.

Every bit of positivity, encouragement and support creates such tremendous change for our people.

Guidance, knowledge and discipline has no cut off age and should be practiced for a lifetime.

It is something we will always need to continue on growing.

We will not survive by being crabs in a barrel,

we will not survive by turning the other cheek when one of our own has fallen,

And we will not survive by making enemies of our own counterparts.

We were created to work and flourish together.

The black man is the protective shield and the black woman is the substance that keeps that shield sturdy and bonded.

When we survive as one, we are impenetrable.

And only concertedly will we rise above and overcome.

This article was written by LaTasha “Tacha B.” Braxton. LaTasha has written a book expanding on this subject and her personal experiences. Dark Chains is A Book that educates, changes the perspectives of troubled youth and heals the souls of the abused…

Grab the book on Amazon in Kindle or Paperback here.

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