How Can You Be In A Relationship When You Don’t Like Each Other?

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I always knew our relationship experience wasn’t where it needed to be but I didn’t know it was this bad. Here I am, at this relationship talk that my HBCU was hosting. Relationship discussion forums are always fun because you can always expect to hear some wildly hilarious things that are great for your social media. However, this time what I heard was concerning. The discussion I heard at this relationship forum affirmed why I’m single and why most the people there were too. To be honest, a lot of them were single and they didn’t even know it.

I could write a whole book on the dysfunctional relationship philosophies that I heard at that event from my peers yesterday. Our concept of trust is misconstrued. Trust isn’t checking my DM’s to see if anybody is trying to slide in. Trust isn’t having my password to see if I’m confirming your warped perception about “niggas”, also known as guys these young women shouldn’t deal with anyway because they don’t have their best interests at heart. What type of trust is that? Real trust lies in the understanding that an agreement has been made been both parties that you’ll be exclusively seeing each other. If that understanding is reached, what’s the point of these pop up tests to see if they guy is being faithful?

Everything that we were discussing last night was wrong. This generation cherishes sex as our only expression of affection. We try to find the fault in each other before we truly try to enjoy the company of each other. All these points leads up to our main problem in this generation. We get into relationships for the image and not the nurturing off a healthy kinship that can grow us mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially and physically. To make things simple, we don’t know how to be friends anymore.

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Don’t think I’m insinuating young women are the problem in the equation. Guys play a huge role, if not the biggest role in this failed math test. I was taught that men were supposed to lead. We were set the tone that our counterparts would match. However, young men have yet to do that. The act of courtship has just been blown out the window because these dudes are too busy trying to “blow someone’s back out” instead of explore other aspects of intimacy with a woman.

However, that aforementioned statement is a dual problem because these young women choose to deal with these guys that only have reckless attention. To the girls today these guys are the “niggas” of the world. These young women know how “niggas” act. They even have a nice little checklist.

  • Only wants to be physical with me (check)’
  • Has a disposition like he wouldn’t be a good boyfriend or even companion (check)
  • Texts me “wyd” and/or “wanna chill”  at 12:00 at night on a Tuesday like I don’t have a Biology final in the morning at 9:00 (check)

Oh, these young women aren’t stupid! Far from it! Millennial women are intelligent and know what they want without compromise. They don’t take BS. That’s a great thing that I admire about my female peers. However, these young women often put themselves in a position where they have to assert their standards instead of respect, attention and maturity being a prerequisite to their relationships. Basically, they know “niggas ain’t sh*t” like they say but they entertain these “niggas”. I think a lot of these young women out here like the drama. “Love & Hip Hop” might be too familiar to them.

This brings me back to my original point. We hop in these quick relationships without becoming friends first. How can I be your boyfriend if we can’t talk about anything besides how great you or I look? How can you be my girlfriend if I can’t value you for your mind and respect you as a mature adult. How can we be in a relationship if we truly don’t know each other?

Y’all, she really is going into my relationship documentary that’s going to be coming out soon! She gives me hope for real!

We have to figure that out within ourselves or we’re in for a lot of fractured partnerships or “situationships” in the future.     

PUBLIC NOTE: The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not reflect the view of the Urban Intellectuals, affiliates or partners.

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