Proper communication is one of the most important factors in any relationship. It is also, unfortunately, the one that is least understood. Many people find it difficult to understand and make themselves understood. This often leads to miscommunication between spouses.
It is this continued inability to comprehend one another that often leads to divorce and hiring a Phoenix divorce lawyer. People are often desperate to shares their hopes, dreams, and desires with their spouse. It is often, however, done incorrectly. This can lead to hurt feelings with both parties. Here is how you can effectively talk to your spouse:
I, Not You Statements
It is something that we all do, particularly when we are upset – we tend to use accusing ‘you’ statements. Statements that involve the word ‘you’ can often make your partner feel accused. This is the reason that many people go on the defensive and an argument takes place. Your partner is preoccupied with defending him or herself and cannot listen to what you are saying.
What you should do instead is use ‘I’ statements. You can begin sentences with ‘I feel’ or ‘I think’. You now simply have to rephrase what you were going to say with the ‘you’ statements. This method allows a message to get across to the other person without turning the conversation into an argument. This is the first step in creating an open line of communication with your other half.
Daily schedules can be quite demanding as well as draining. This is why, if you want to be heard, you need to pick your moments. Approach your spouse when he or she is refreshed and is able to listen to you without being tired or irritated. Imagine how unresponsive you might be if you partner decided to have a difficult conversation after a long day at work.
You should also have the discussion when there is nothing else preoccupying your partner’s attention. After all, if she or he is trying to pay attention to different things at the same time, only half your conversation will be absorbed. Choose a moment when your wife or husband are not engaged and are not relaxing, either. This is when your message will most likely be heard and appreciated.
Limit Subject Matter
There are no benefits to overloading someone with information. A person who receives too much of information, all at once, is bound to forget most if not all of it. At the very least, they will have an extremely garbled version of the events. This is why you should choose a topic or two to discuss with your spouse. This way they can process what you are telling them.
It can be tempting to simply blurt out everything that is on your mind. To be able to manage this urge, do not wait until you have reached your breaking point. Rather, when something is upsetting you, simply bring it up with your spouse. They will certainly appreciate it more and you will get closure for simply and clearly stating your problem.
A marriage does not have to be a battle between two people. You and your spouse love each other greatly and should find a calm and friendly manner to approach subjects that mean a lot to you.
PUBLIC NOTE: The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not reflect the view of the Urban Intellectuals, affiliates or partners.